Supernatural Genital Stealing Vampires

I’m working on a paper that concerns genital theft and koro, which are mildly hilarious culture bound syndromes related to perceived loss of masculinity. The only problem? No matter how hard I tried, I could not come up with a thesis statement.

So I asked myself, “is it possible that this paper is actually about vampires?” The answer was very clearly yes.

Now I am working on a paper that concerns how vampire sexuality (cough, Edward Cullen, cough) is a Western metaphor for the same concerns that gave rise to culture bound syndromes such as genital theft and koro, and how, through understanding Edward Cullen’s sexual behavior, health care providers can better comprehend patients who believe themselves to be victims of genital theft.

Let me draw your attention to a screen shot of my research:

Does it surprise you that there are no articles in medical or scientific journals which deal with “genital theft” + “supernatural” + “vampires”? Don’t worry! My paper shall be the first!